


Cigarette Break

by babycakesss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I really don't know how to tag, M/M, Partying, Smoking, but it all works out!!!, feelings are involved, markhyuck, not so side johnjae, oh anyway this is a markhyuck fic so, they are both kinda toxic, very side doyu, very side nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28555515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babycakesss/pseuds/babycakesss
Summary: Through sleepless nights, hook ups, too much alcohol and cigarettes; Mark and Hyuck realize that they might not hate each other as much as they thought they do.University is hard but it's so much better when you have people you can lean on.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 96
Collections: The After Party Is Always Bittersweet





	Cigarette Break

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! <3
> 
> This fic has been my coping mechanism for the past three weeks, and I finally understood why some people call what they write "baby". Man, this fic really became my baby at the end.  
> I hope, if you read this, it will give you something, and cheers you up a little. I kind of wrote this to make myself feel better and I hope it will help you too in some ways. Remember, it's okay to feel down, and to feel lost. It's all going to be okay.
> 
> All of the kisses for you!!! <3
> 
> Also, this is not betaed, and while I read through it from time to time, I didn't had it in me to read the whole thing when I was done, so there might be some mistakes.
> 
> Here's a little playlist if you want to get in the mood:
> 
> Cigarette Break - Gavin James  
> Number 13 - Nothing But Thieves  
> Violence - TENDER

One thing no one tells you about uni, is that, like every other thing in life, it gets boring after a while. You burn out from the endless study sessions, get sick of parties, and the people around either annoys or bores you to death. Compared to how much you wait for these years and dream about them in high school, it is very disappointing.

Even if Mark thinks that, sometimes he still finds himself at parties. And that sometimes is right now. Three hours ago, Jaemin was practically begging him to come, so he won’t be alone. Of course, the minute they stepped into Johnny’s flat, his best friend ditched him for Lee Jeno, the guy he’s been having a crush on for almost two months now. Young love or something. He tries to somehow enjoy himself and not die from boredom, but that just usually means getting very drunk and doing shots with everyone who’s up for it.

For most of the night he hangs out with Johnny, Jaehyun and Yuta at the DJ table they set up in the living room corner, drinking, talking, and dancing. After god knows how many shots later, a very smashed Johnny and Jaehyun start making out, and woah that’s new, Yuta starts looking for someone named Doyoung so Mark decides that it’s time for his fourth (or fifth?) cigarette break. He stumbles through the sea of people in the living room, steps out onto the balcony, closing the door behind himself for a little privacy.

The cold bites at his cheeks, but the fact doesn’t bother him because for the first time this week he finally feels like his body is functioning again. He takes a long breath and lets it out while he looks up at the sky. From inside he can hear the music and the laughter that escapes through the glass. It feels lonely. Being here on this balcony, surrounded by people who would never understand. Mark doesn’t really remember when was the last time he felt like a whole person. Lately he has been feeling like a shadow of himself and thinking about if life is worth it like this.

He leans over the rail and gets the cigarette out of his pocket. He puts one in his mouth and starts to look for his lighter which he, in fact, does not find. Frustrated, he starts to rub at his eyes, cursing himself for his clumsiness. Smoking is kind of a coping mechanism for him. Whenever he’s bored or nervous, he smokes. It’s not his best habit, but now he needs it to get through a day and the act brings him a little comfort.

The door behind him opens with a click and he looks back, startled out of his thoughts. When he sees who it is, his little to no mood disappears. It gets a little noisier while the door is open, but then Donghyuck closes it, and fully steps out into the cold night.

“Hi” he flashes a big smile at Mark “Haven’t seen you in a while Markie.” That would be an understatement. They have not seen each other for almost half a year because Mark does not really enjoy the party scene anymore, and also that last time wasn’t very pleasant either.

They got introduced to each other by Johnny because he thought that the two of them could be really good friends. Oh boy, was he wrong. Even the first time they met, they didn’t click for some reason. But back freshman year Mark was more hopeful about life and he still thought that getting drunk out of your mind, and doing fucked up things is what makes you feel alive. After too much alcohol, he went to look for Hyuck. Mark found him, got into a fight with him and at the end of the night he ended up in Hyuck’s bed getting fucked into the mattress. Was it bad? Definitely not. It was hella awkward the next morning though.

Ever since they have disliked one another from far, and sometimes when they run into each other at parties they get into petty fights. He thinks their relationship, that’s in no way a real and existing relationship, is too weird to understand, so he simply doesn’t even try.

“Hi” he mutters with the unlit cigarette still in his mouth, looking at the other, frowning. He looks good tonight. Tight black skinny jeans, a loose white shirt that hangs dangerously low on his chest. His light brown hair is messy, like someone already tugged on it, but it probably looks like that on purpose. It’s also longer than he remembers

Donghyuck steps closer to him and smiles with a predatory glint in his eyes. “Is this maybe yours?” He holds up a lighter between them, and of course it’s Mark’s very cringy ‘If you wanna fuck smile when you give me the lighter back’ one.

His whole face reddens in a burning blush and he finally takes the cigarette out of his mouth with a groan.

“It was a joke from Jaemin,” he says while scratching his neck “And stop smiling like that!” Mark hisses as he turns around and tries to collect the little dignity he has left.

“Hmm…I don’t want to though,” he hears Hyuck say behind him. Mark feels a hand on his waist and Hyuck’s hot breath close to his ear as he whispers, “Put the cigarette back in your mouth.”

Mark gulps, his face reddening again but he does as he’s told. He hears the lighter, louder than it should be in the quite night, and then the little flame is in front of him lighting his cigarette. He sucks in the first round of smoke and feels himself relax a little. He turns around blowing the smoke in Donghyuck’s face who is still smiling dumbly. He doesn’t really know what to say, being not a big fan of small talk, so he just continues to breathe the smoke into his lungs.

“You suck on that nice” the other boy says with an even bigger smirk and Mark is just about done with him.

“What is this, some cheap ass porno? If you want to have sex with me just ask, gosh.” Mark rushes out angrily.

He hates this party, and this dumbass does not make it any better for him. Hyuck just laughs at him. Of course, everything is a fucking blast for him. Mark decides he’s done for today and literally stomps towards the door. When he’s about to open it, Donghyuck grabs his arm and turns him over so they can look at each other.

“I’m sorry,” he says, now somewhat quieter “It’s just so easy to piss you off, it’s amusing.”

“Oh, I’m so glad that you’re having fun,” Mark says sarcastically “But sadly, I’m not so I’m leaving.” He pulls his arm away from Donghyuck, who grabs it again and Mark looks up at him frowning.

“Come home with me.” And Mark does.

**

The next morning is one hell of a ride. Mark wakes up with a headache he hasn’t felt for a while and a dull ache in his lower body that he also has not, in fact, felt for a while. After a moment, the realization hits him with full force. He sits up abruptly looking around the room. Well, it’s definitely not his dorm room, to say the least. Huge windows with the morning light shining through, brick walls and very tasteful interior design. Also, a king-sized bed with black silk sheets, which is pretty cool. He looks to the side and sees Donghyuck still snoring next to him.

The memories from last night hit him like a tidal wave. Calling a taxi, stumbling through the apartment. Hyuck kissing his neck hurriedly, bending him over the couch in the living room. A quick fight break, then a next round in the bedroom. He can feel his cheeks getting warm, shame spreading through his body. Fucking things up and making himself feel worse in the process is a specialty of his to be honest. He prays to the gods that Hyuck is a heavy sleeper and starts looking for his clothes or at least his underwear that is nowhere to be seen. At this rate he’s going to have a panic attack.

He tries to sneak out of the room, and leave the whole apartment complex, and then maybe the country, as quietly as he can. Before he has the chance to reach the bedroom door though, stark naked that is, he hears a sleepy, husky voice from behind himself.

“Hmm, leaving without a goodbye? Rude.” Mark freezes. He tries to think about an acceptable, non-embarrassing solution for this situation, but we all know, there is really none.

He clears his throat, takes a deep, calming breath and turns around, covering himself with his hands. Hyuck is lying on his side, his arm in a crook, head propped on his hand. And in fact, he’s not naked. What the hell.

“Why aren’t you naked?” he asks outraged.

Hyuck smirks and looks him up and down slowly, raising one of his eyebrows. “Sorry, didn’t know you wanted a morning round.”

Marks groans and literally jumps into the bed to hide under the covers. “Where are my clothes, anyway?” he asks, blushing. Closing his eyes, he realizes that he hasn’t slept this good since the semester started. Hyuck’s sheets smell good. Lavender. Maybe it has calming effect or something. Should he also buy lavender softener?

“You left them in the living room last night,” says Hyuck, and Mark hears the bed sheets rustle, “Do you want me to get them for you?”

“Yes, please.” He faintly hears Hyuck’s feet paddig away then he falls asleep once again under the lavender smelling sheets.

**

When Mark opens his eyes, it is already dark outside. He looks at his phone. It says 6 freaking pm. This would not be a big problem, it’s a Saturday and he wasn’t planning on studying, but he’s still in Hyuck’s bed, naked. He embarrassed himself enough already in front of the other boy. Sitting up he spots his clothes on Hyuck’ gaming chair so after getting out of bed he quickly grabs them and dresses up.

He pads out of the room to the hallway that leads into a huge living room with an open kitchen. The apartment looks expensive. It’s well lit, nicely furnished and kind of… homey. Not something Mark would expect from the other boy. Hyuck is sitting on the dark blue couch, his glasses perched on his nose, reading a chemistry textbook. He looks up as Mark comes into the living room and sits next to him. He’s reminded of what happened on it last night, and his cheeks heat up a little.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asks looking away.

Donghyuck turns to him and takes of his glasses. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and an oversized black hoodie that has ‘SINNERS’ printed on it with red letters. He looks cozy. Mark’s jeans make his thighs itch.

“You looked tired.” He doesn’t say anything else just goes back to reading his book.

Mark feels weird. This is all so weird. Half past six on a Saturday evening he’s at the person’s apartment who he dislikes the most at the moment, because he overslept after they had sex two times last night. Very much weird. He’s kind of confused about one thing though.

“How did you know the lighter was mine? But mainly how did you know I was at the party?” Mark asked him in an accusing tone, raising an eyebrow. “And why did you ask me to come home with you? Do not get me wrong, this is not a compliment, but you could literally pull anyone you wanted. And you hate me.”

“You sure ask a lot of questions,” says Hyuck, annoyed, “and I don’t hate you. That’s a very strong word, dude.”

Mark just rolls his eyes. Hyuck seems like he’s deep in thought. He nods his head a little, smirks, drapes one arm over the back of the couch where Mark sits and starts answering the questions.

“Hmm, well you see, a couple weeks ago Johnny talked about how you look like shit these days. I realized I haven’t seen you at any party for half a year and that it’s kinda weird. You were a party animal in freshmen year dude. So, I decided that when I bump into you next time, I cheer you up a little,” he laughed looking at Mark with hooded eyes “Yesterday I went to say hi to Johnny and Jaehyun. They said you forgot your lighter and asked if I could give it to you because you just went smoking. So, I did, and then I cheered you up,” he finishes, clearly satisfied with himself.

Mark’s vision blurries. He feels dazed, the words hitting him as if he’s watching a train go by too fast right in front of his eyes. Then all he’s able to see is red.

“You fucking asshole,” he practically sneers “I’m not your fucking charity work, so don’t treat me like one. I never asked for your fucking pity and I didn’t remember that I ever asked you to ‘cheer me up’.”

Hyuck only looks surprised for a second but his features quickly turn nasty. He has this smile on his face that just screams ‘you’re so pathetic’.

“Then maybe you should stop acting like one.”

Mark shoots up from the couch. Pointing a finger at Hyuck, he steps closer to him, “You can’t solve things with sex,” he laughs manically “that’s not how things work. Also tell me what’s in it for you, hmm? Don’t act like you did this for me, you’re not kind in any way. I’m not stupid.” Mark feels feral. He feels like he’s going crazy. He’s so mad, he can barely breathe.

Hyuck looks up at him, an ugly smile on his face. Mark already knows that whatever he’s about to say is going to hurt like hell.

“I put my dick into you and I came, didn’t I? It feels good to know I can even have you. You’re so easy Mark, it’s amusing.” Amusing. Mark doesn’t really find this situation amusing.

He wants to say something back, but nothing comes to his mind. He feels numb, like he’s not really here. Without another word he rounds the couch, gets his coat off the rack, then exits the flat closing the door quietly behind himself. He feels tired, even though he just slept for almost ten hours. He staggers down the hall and out of the building.

He only allows himself to start crying when he’s walking down the road in the dark, a lit cigarette in his mouth.

**

“I just don’t really know what to think man. I mean, I’m really into him but he plays this hot and cold game with me ever since we first made out.” Jaehyun says, leaning over the rail. He looks at Mark with these lost puppy eyes he pulls off so well. “Tell me what to do.”

They are standing in front of the science faculty building, half an hour after he finished his last lecture for the day. Jaehyun texted him asking Mark to stay and talk for a bit, and when he said he needs relationship advice Mark was surprised because a, he didn’t know Jaehyun has been meeting someone and b, Mark has never been in a relationship before. He was drinking his coffee peacefully one moment, then the other boy told him he’s been hooking up with Johnny for a month now and he almost choked to death.

Mark saw them make out at the party he does not like to talk about, but that was a week ago and both of them were pretty drunk, so he didn’t even ask them about it, thinking it was a one-time thing.

“I think you should just tell him. Honestly, I always had this feeling he was whipped for you, but I always thought it’s just a friend like admiration. He doesn’t sleep around so… I’m sure he feels the same.” Mark looks at Jaehyun with a reassuring smile.

Jaehyun looks like he’s thinking hard, then he turns toward Mark, puts his hand on his shoulders and looks him in the eye, determined, “You’re right. I’m going to tell him.” A big, dopey smile spreads on his face, “I really want this to work out.”

Looking at his smile Mark feels something like admiration spread through him. Jaehyun was always this unbothered ball of sunshine. It’s refreshing to be around him. Him and Johnny are basically meant to be.

Mark hugs him, “Now that I gave you this amazingly basic advice, help me to not freeze to death.”

It’s late November so the weather is unforgivable. If it doesn’t rain, it’s windy. Mark can feel the cold even in his bones. He craves another cigarette to warm him up a little even though he had one when he was waiting for Jaehyun to arrive. The past weeks since his incident with Hyuck was boring. Nothing’s ever seems to be going on with him. He’s ashamed to admit it even to himself but at least when him and Hyuck were fighting it was a happening of some short. Sometimes even toxic things seem better than nothing. Such a far cry from Johnny and Jaehyun.

He doesn’t really go out or meet up with friends, most of the time forgetting to even text them back. He doesn’t do it on purpose but sometimes he forgets that there’s this thing called life that’s going on around him.

Tonight, is different though. It’s Friday and Jaemin, Johnny, Jaehyun and Mark decided to have a movie night at Jaehyun’s apartment. They are waiting for the others so they can go together.

They sit down on one of the benches and fall into a comfortable silence. Mark gets his cigarette out of his coat pocket.

“You’ve been smoking a lot lately,” Jaehyun tells him worriedly with a frown, “Is everything okay?”

Everything definitely isn’t okay, but he really doesn’t want to talk about this when he’s about to have fun together for the first time in weeks with his best friends.

“I’m okay,” he says not looking Jaehyun in the eyes. He lights the cigarette in his mouth and inhales, “Just stressed about school. Organic chem is kicking my ass.”

“Well,” Jaehyun says, laughing, “That’s a bitch for sure,” suddenly serious he says, “You can tell me you know, if it’s not okay. I’m here.”

“Yeah” Mark answers quietly, “Thank you.”

They settle into another silence and wait for the others to arrive.

**

“Stop clinging to me! Do it with your boyfriend!” Mark whines loudly.

Jaemin just rolls his eyes and cuddles into him harder on the couch.

“Jeno’s not even here. And stop acting like you hate it. I know that secretly you’re a cuddle monster.”

Annoyingly, Jaemin is right.

They are currently scattered around Jaehyun’s living room, him and Johnny sitting on the ugly green loveseat they found on the street last spring and decided to save from house-clearance. They arrived not long ago and waited for Yuta to make an appearance, but the traitor diched them for a guy named Doyoung whose pant’s he’s been trying to get into for weeks now. Apparently, the guy is one of the best friends of Donghyuck. Hopefully, he’s not as unpleasant as his friend.

Jaehyun is scrolling through Netflix, trying to find a movie they can watch. Johnny is on his phone, texting with someone. Suddenly he looks at Mark with a grin on his face, like he just remembered something.

“Has Hyuck texted you already?” Oh wow, Mark thinks, the fucking traitor.

Mark groans, turning over in Jaemin’s arms, so he’s facing his chest instead of Johnny’s shit eating smile.

“Dude, why did you even give him my number?”

“Because he asked for it,” he says amused. Jaemin laughs at this, his chest rumbling under Mark’s cheek, “Why didn’t you write him back?”

Mark suddenly sits up, accidentally elbowing Jaemin in the stomach who groans in pain.

“So, you did know he wrote me!” he says loudly in an accusing tone.

“Honestly Mark, that poor boy has been trying to communicate with you for days now. Give him a rest yeah?”

“Hell no,” he says angrily, “and very much fuck him.”

“I kinda heard it was the other way around.” What the actual fuck.

“Man, what the actu-“

“Johnny that’s enough,” says a stern voice, that is coming from Jaehyun. The boy looks worriedly at Mark. In the heat of the moment, he almost forgot that he is also there, even though they are at his apartment. Right now, he’s incredibly thankful.

Johnny looks surprised and maybe a little embarrassed when he mutters, “I was just kidding.”

“I know,” Jaehyun says in a strained voice, “But that’s enough.” He turns back towards the tv, “I found a movie we can watch.”

It’s Just Go with It. Again.

The movie starts and Jaemin pulls Mark back against him so they can watch it comfortably. It’s hard to admit but he missed skinship with his best friend. They are both busy with school, and Jaemin has Jeno now, so it’s not easy for them to hang out. Maybe Mark should try harder.

He can’t really focus because he’s still pissed off at Johnny, so he lets his thoughts wander. He’s sure that Hyuck didn’t tell him that they had a fight after they hooked up, because he knows that Johnny wouldn’t joke about it if he would know. He’s kinda dumb sometimes but not at all mean. Never. It still hurts though. For three weeks now he has been trying to get over what Hyuck said to him but it’s harder than he thought. He usually doesn’t care what other people think about him but hearing it out loud like that has a weird effect on him.

He knows that he’s not easy. All 22 years of his life he has only hooked up with two people, that being Jaemin and that asshole. With Jaemin it was a just a one-time thing. They got drunk, were still virgins, and decided to lose it together. It was actually very sweet, and they never regretted it.

Still, he thinks about what Hyuck said to him more than he should. And this Wednesday, he got a text from an unknown number. It was him, asking if they could meet up, because he wants to say sorry and blah blah blah. Mark does not want to meet up with him. Ever again. Well, sometimes he bumps into him on campus because they are on the same year and on the same course sadly, but he usually just runs in the other way. Sounds funny but desperate times call for desperate measures.

And anyway, he has better things to think about. Like how much he hates his life. He’s still so young but, he does not have any kind of desire to live. He keeps going on but for what? He never really cared about anything. He doesn’t see the point in doing so. Life to him, is meaningless. It doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t have dreams and goals like others seems to do. He just kind of exists, ignoring life around him as much as he can.

He thinks a lot about death, not because he wants to die, but because he so desperately wants to live.

**

“Thanks for taking us in,” Mark says laughing and hugs Jaehyun. He leans in closer and whispers, “Also thank you for… you know.”

Jaehyun quickly squeezes him, then lets him go with a reassuring smile.

Johnny is pulling his coat on, an uncomfortable pout in place. He leans down for his shoes, but before he can grab them, Jaehyun speaks again.

“Johnny, you’re staying the night. I have to talk to you.”

The other boy quickly looks up with a lost expression on his face. He straitens up, scratching the back of his head, cheeks red.

“Do,” he clears his throat then gulps, “Do you?”

“Okay!” Jaemin says loudly. “Jaehyunie thank you, I love you, see you tomorrow. Johnny, I love you too!”

He turns toward Mark and grabs his arm, pulling him out the open door hurriedly and closing it behind them.

“Finally. The tension was killing me,” he says dramatically. He puts his arm around Mark’s shoulders, and they start walking.

Mark glances at him and after mulling if it’s a stupid thing to say or not, he voices his thoughts to the other boy.

“So,” Mark says and Jaemin looks at him. “I missed you and your cuddles,” Jaemin just grins and Mark’s cheeks redden a little. “Will you sleep at my room tonight so we can continue?” he asks practically whining. “Only if it’s okay with Jeno though.”

“Markie, you know me, I can never turn down an offer to cuddle. And don’t worry. Jeno is really cool.”

**

It’s already the first week of December and Mark needs to start studying right now if he wants to pass his exams. Today he had classes until 4 pm, then he came back to his dorm room, napped, fucked around on his phone, napped again, then he realized that he only has a month to study, so he started panicking. He made himself sit down in front of his desk then started looking up what he needs to know because that’s how far behind he is. It’s okay, he’s going to make it work. It’s going to be fine. Hopefully.

Around 9 pm he gets to the part where he opens his organic chemistry book and he just… stares at it. All he wants to do is lie back down on his bed and watch Netflix, but he needs to be strong. He starts reading, it goes on for five minutes then he stares at the same sentence for three minutes. He’s about to give up the fight when his phone rings next to his book on the desk. It says ‘Asshyuck’. Well, that’s just peachy. For some weird, perverted reason he answers the call.

“Markieeeee,” Hyuck whines on the other end of the line, “You picked it up!”

Mark groans. He’s drunk.

“Why are you drunk on a Wednesday night?” He asks angrily.

“I’m just living life Markie. You should try it out sometime.” Someone laughs in the background.

Mark closes his eyes and tries to calm down before he says something that will get him to hell.

“Anyway, I called you because I want to meet you. Can we meet? Like, right now?” He asks, words slurred.

“Fuck you,” Mark snaps at him, “Are you out of your mind?”

“Mark,” he whines quietly, “I really want to apologize to you.”

Mark’s blood boils and he all but sneers into the phone, “I don’t want your fucking apology. Don’t call again.”

He hangs up and slams his phone on the desk. He stands up with a force that knocks the chair over and it meets the ground with a loud noise. He steps over it and falls into his bed. He buries his face into his pillow and starts screaming.

After calming down he turns his head over and looks at the chair on the ground. He thinks about standing it up, but before he can try to move, his eyes close on their own, and he falls into a dreamless sleep.

Too soon, and probably half an hour later, he wakes up to someone banging on his door. He sits up, totally disoriented. He crawls to the end of the bed, then stands up and tries to move to the door but before he can reach it his leg bumps into the chair and he topples over, falling on the ground with a loud thud. He groans in pain. The banging is still going on and because now he really does not want to get up, he shouts a ‘Come in, it’s open!’ And when the door does open, he just keeps laying on the ground looking at the ceiling. He really is a mess.

After a moment, a head comes into his view, and of course it’s Donghyuck. His eyebrows almost reach his hairline and something like amusement dances in his eyes. Mark flushes red.

“Why are you lying on the ground?” He asks standing the chair up and sitting down on it. He looks down at Mark, waiting for his answer.

Mark sits up on the floor but doesn’t answer the question. He leans against the bed and looks at Hyuck with a scowl. It doesn’t seem like he’s drunk. In the phone he sounded like he was totally gone. Maybe the biting cold outside sobered him up on his way to the dorm.

“What are you doing here?” He asks angrily. “I told you that I don’t want to talk to you, and I sure as hell don’t want to see you.” He puts his arms around himself and looks down. He feels a little uneasy because even though the other makes him angry all the time, it’s… good to see him. It’s been a long time since they last saw each other face to face.

“I really do want to apologize,” Mark hears Hyuck say, “What I said to you was so fucked up. I don’t have any excuse because at the moment I wanted to hurt you, that’s why I said those things,” Hyuck stands up and sits down next to Mark against the bed, “But I don’t mean any of that. I know it’s still fucked up, but I really don’t think of you like that,” Hyuck puts his hand on Mark’s knee and squeezes it, “I’m so sorry.”

Mark realizes two things. First, there are tears streaming down his cheeks and second, he’s fucked up as hell. To some unknown reason even to himself, he leaps at Donghyuck, buries his face in his neck and starts quietly sobbing. It feels nice. Crying it out after month and month of just hurting.

After a moment he feels Hyuck’s hand unsurely patting his back than suddenly he hugs Mark with both arms, rocking them from side to side on the floor. “It’s okay,” he whispers quietly, “You’re going to be okay.” Mark isn’t sure about that.

Mark calms down and they crawl up the bed. They lie quietly next to each other looking up at the ceiling.

“You know,” Hyuck says, “I think we don’t get along very well, because we’re too alike. We think the same way, and we feel things the same way.”

In a way, Mark knows that. In some things he sees himself in Hyuck. The life of the party, the funny friend who is always in a good mood. Tiring. Mark knows it must be tiring.

“I know.” He says quietly and turns toward the wall.

This whole situation should feel weird, but it doesn’t. When he’s with his friends he always has to watch what he says or how he acts because he doesn’t want to be a burden and ruin the mood when they finally have the time to meet. With Hyuck, it’s different. They don’t have to pretend in front of each other and they never do. It’s always open cards. It’s scary but it’s freeing.

He hears the sheets rustling behind him and then feels a hand on his stomach and Hyuck’s breath near his ear.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Mark shivers but stays quiet and the other takes it as an invitation to sneak his hand under Mark’s shirt and start kissing down on his neck.

Before he can go any further Mark puts his hand over Donghyuck’s and says, “I don’t want to.”

Hyuck stills and Mark thinks he’s going to get up and leave but he settles comfortably behind him and hugs Mark to his chest. Eventually, they fall asleep like this.

**

Mark looks down at the page he’s been staring at for almost 20 minutes now. After he made up with Donghyuck on Wednesday night, the rest of the week went by in a blur of studying and the coffee breaks in between. He spent most of his time in the library with Jaemin, trying to motivate each other and get things done as soon as possible. He also finally met up with Yuta for a coffee date, without the date part. They talked about when they will go back home for the holidays and bought the plane tickets, so they don’t have to worry about that later.

Yuta and he are neighbours back in their hometown. Their families are close, so they grew up together. Yuta is four years older than him, and when he left for uni, Mark decided to follow his lead. Yuta was always kind of a role model to him, even though he really shouldn’t be anyone’s role model, considering the questionable things he sometimes does. Despite all those things, Mark loves him to death. While Mark is only in his second year at uni, Yuta is already doing his PhD in biology.

Johnny also called him up on Friday to apologize, but Mark told him it was all good, no bad blood. Apparently, he and Jaehyun talked things out and made their relationship official. Mark is very happy for them.

He’s currently sitting in the library and it’s totally empty considering it’s 6 pm on a Sunday. Mark has been here for almost four hours now and he feels himself slowly going insane. His left eye twitches every time he hears the librarian lady turn a page in the book she’s reading. Jaemin left two hours ago to meet up with Jeno and since then, Mark has not been productive to say the least. He read two pages tops.

He decides to save himself from this misery, packing his things and saying goodbye to the lady at the reception. He steps outside and shivers a little from the cold. It’s very cold and very dark already and Mark hates winter. He doesn’t want to go back to his dorm room because he really can’t study there and he’s going to end up crying in his bed.

A moment of consideration later he gets his phone out of his backpack and dials Hyuck’s number. He picks up on the third ring.

“What do I own the pleasure?” Hyuck asks on the other end of the line. Mark rolls his eyes.

“Are you at your flat?” Mark asks him, starting to walk through campus.

“Oh my, is this a booty call baby?” Hyuck literally purrs in his ear.

“No, this is a study call,” Marks says turning into the street where Hyuck lives.

“A what?” Hyuck asks, confused, and Mark feels a little victory over the fact.

“A study call. If I have to listen to the lady turn another page of his book in the library, I’m going to have a stroke, and I can’t focus for shit in my room. So, I’m studying at yours,” Marks stops in front of the building, “I’m already here so come down for me, thanks,” after that he hangs up without waiting for an answer from the other boy. He leans against the wall and waits.

A moment later a confused Hyuck appears in the hall. He looks through the window and when he spots Mark, he looks a little bewildered but opens the door for him. Mark enters the building and turns towards Hyuck.

“Hi.”

“Hi? I thought you were kidding when you said you’re down,” he closes the door, and they start walking to the lift.

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” Mark asks, his brows almost disappearing into his hairline. He likes this change of roles. He feels smug. “Or is it a problem for you?”

“Of course not!” Hyuck exclaims, pressing the button to call down the lift, “You just caught me off guard.”

“Were you jerking off or…”

Hyuck whips around looking at him with round eyes, “What the hell Mark? You can’t just say things like that to me,” he groans loudly. Mark laughs at him.

The lift door opens, and he quickly steps inside. Mark follows him with a grin on his face.

**

Mark doesn’t have the upper hand for too long.

After they arrive at the apartment, he sits down at Hyuck’s dining table and starts cramming as much information as he can into his brain. The other boy sits down on the couch and starts playing a film on his MacBook.

One and a half hour later Marks stands up and stretches himself out. Hyuck is still watching his movie, so Mark walks to the couch and sits down next to him looking at the screen. It’s Prisoners.

Hyuck pauses the movie, putting his laptop on the coffee table and suddenly pulls Mark into his lap. The other lets out an embarrassingly high, surprised sound and immediately flushes red. Hyuck looks up at him with a grin on his face.

“So…,” he traces his index finger down Mark’s neck and reaching his shirt, he hooks it onto its edge pulling it down a little, “How are you going to thank me that I let you study here?”

Mark giggles. Giggles. What the hell. He put his arms around the other’s neck and leans in closer, “Well what do you want?”

Hyuck turns his head and whispers into Mark’s ear, “I really want to fuck you on this couch.”

Mark moans and grinds his hips down into Hyuck’s once. Apparently Hyuck likes to _whisper_ things in his ear. Mark doesn’t mind it a bit, “Yes, please, please.”

His common sense is gone embarrassingly quickly, and he start grinding down his hips repeatedly into the other’s groin. He can already feel himself and Hyuck getting hard. The latter grabs his waist and stops his movements. 

“Slow down baby,” he nips at Mark’s neck, kissing down a path to his chest where he starts sucking a bruise on his skin. Mark buries both his hand in Hyuck’s hair, pulling him away from himself.

He scoffs at Donghyuck unapprovingly, “No lovebites.”

The other boy huffs out an annoyed breath and in one move, flips them over on the couch. He leans over Mark a little and pulls out a full bottle of lube and a condom from between the cushions.

Mark laughs and pulls Hyuck down so he can kiss his jaw, “You are truly unbelievable,” he says, biting at Hyuck’s neck. He shivers a little.

“You should be thankful I don’t have to abandon you to get these.”

Hyuck quickly undresses Mark but leaves his own clothes on.

“Why are you still dressed?” he whines, lying spread out on the couch, fully naked while the other hovers above him fully clothed.

“Hmm, it would be so sexy if I fucked you like this. Yeah?” He looks at Mark with a devilish grin then uncaps the lube.

“Ye- _ah_ ” Mark tries to say but ends it in a moan when Hyuck eases a cold finger into him, “ _God_.”

“It’s just me though,” Hyuck mutters, raising his eyebrows.

Mark would honestly love to say a snarky comment to that, but it was a long time ago that they last did this, and his brain has a hard time functioning from all the pleasure he feels. All that’s coming out of his mouth are quiet groans and whiny breaths. If Donghyuck doesn’t start fucking him right now he will probably combust.

“Please just fuck me.”

Hyuck pulls his sweatpants down a little so he can quickly put a condom on his hard on. He braces his arms next to Marks head, looks into his eyes and without warning, enters him in a hard thrust.

Mark’s mouth opens in a loud moan. Hyuck starts trusting into him in a fast and hard pace. It feels so fucking good, and he craves this so much, Mark would probably feel ashamed if he wasn’t so preoccupied with screaming his lungs out every time Hyuck hits that sweet spot inside him. He’s probably not going to last long if the other keeps thrusting into him like this. He feels the familiar heat building in his belly and he’s almost there just a couple of thrust and… and Hyuck pulls out of him.

Mark’s eyes well up with tears. He’s literally ready to beg but before he gets a chance to say something, Donghyuck grabs his arms and pulls him into a sitting position.

“Hands and knees, baby.”

Mark quickly obeys. He turns around, grabs the cushion that’s in front of him for support, getting on his knees, arching his back a little. Hyuck grabs his hips and enters him again, but this time he sets an achingly slow place.

Mark whines loudly and turns his head around to look at the other boy, “Oh my god please faster. I really want to come. And you still own me for saying mean things.”

Hyuck grunts, rolling his eyes, but picks up the pace of his thrust and starts pounding into him. After a couple of moments Mark feels his orgasm taking over and he comes with a loud moan, the other boy trying to catch it with his hand, so the couch doesn’t get dirty.

He trusts into him once, twice, and then comes inside Mark, moaning his name.

**

They don’t kiss on the mouth. It would be too intimate for them. This is the only rule they made before hooking up after Johnny introduced them, and ever since they still stick to it. Mark never even really felt the urge to do so, but at this moment, watching Hyuck blow out the smoke next to him on the balcony, he wants nothing more than to press his lips against the other’s. To kiss him with all he has, and to mean it. Instead, he sucks the smoke into his lungs, turning away from Hyuck to look at the city lights laid out in front of them. Maybe someday.

“You know,” Hyuck says suddenly, looking up at the sky, “There are moments I wish I could live in forever.”

Mark would love this moment to last an eternity. But it can’t.

**

The weeks leading up to the exams are stressful. He procrastinates more then he should, and even gets dragged to a party by Hyuck, although they leave after half an hour to fuck in Mark’s room. They do that a lot these days. It’s a nice stress release.

They talk a lot. About things they can’t discuss with others. At first Mark felt like they use each other as emotional trash bags but later realized that’s not the case. They talk because they care about what the other has to say. It should feel weird, considering their relationship, but it doesn’t. It feels natural in a way.

Mark also wants to kiss Hyuck properly on the lips. A lot. He hasn’t acted up on the idea yet.

He started smoking less. He still has the habit of leaving a building every now and then, almost muscle memory now, but mostly just to clear out his head. One day after a quickie Hyuck tells him that he is happy about this because his bed started smelling less like ashes. What a charmer.

He feels like he’s getting better, but every good thing comes to end, exam week arrives, things happen, and he falls back to square one, like he always does after a while.

**

Mark comes and Donghyuck thrusts into him a couple more times, looking into his eyes, breathing heavily. Mark squirms, feeling oversensitive, the high from his orgasm slowly wearing off. Hyuck comes with a loud moan and flops down on Mark, crushing the air out of his lungs. He groans and starts slapping the other boy’s back. “Jesus Hyuck, get off me.” He stays like that for a moment, but then he pulls out of Mark and flops down beside him on the bed.

He ties the used condom up and throws it on the floor with a grin. Mark just rolls his eyes at him. They lie silently next to each other looking up at the ceiling.

It’s quiet, comfortable, and Mark is tired, so he almost doses off when Donghyuck starts speaking.

“How have you been?” He asks him softly and Mark just humms because this is exactly how he’s been feeling these days. Kind of like he doesn’t. Exams were tiring, and he almost failed one of them. He also can’t really sleep, his mind usually going on in a break-neck speed, and while the nights are long, the days, they seem so much longer in their uneventful nothingness.

“Yeah,” says Hyuck quietly “Me too.”

Mark doesn’t say anything back, just closes his eyes, and falls asleep. He wakes up to the sound of a phone ringing in the silent room. He groans and opens his eyes. Hyuck is still lying next to him, which isn’t too much of a big deal, but he usually just slips out if Mark falls asleep too quickly after they fuck. He sits up and tries to find the source of the sound, but his phone lies deadly at the end of the bed, so it’s probably Hyuck’s.

He pats the other boy’s shoulder and tries to wake him up.

“Phone, Hyuckie,” the other just slaps at his hand and turns the other way. Mark grabs him with both hands and starts to shake him. “Make it stop, my brain is literally going to drip out of my skull it’s so fucking loud.”

“Fuck, fine!” He says, suddenly sitting up, looking disoriented. He starts looking around himself, and when he finds his phone, he finally accepts the call.

“What?” he asks groggily while he puts his legs to the floor to fully sit up on the edge of Mark’s bed. He rubs at his eyes frustrated while he listens to whoever is talking to him. After a minute he just mutters an ‘nice, okay’, ending the call. He stays hunched over, bouncing his leg up and down.

Mark scoots closer to him, curious and a little worried.

“Who was that?”

Hyuck looks up at him, and it doesn’t seem like he’s in a very good mood, Mark notes.

“Jaehyun. He’s having a party Friday night.”

He doesn’t know why, but Mark feels bile rising up in his throat when he asks, “You’re going?” He already knows the answer though.

Hucky’s been… weird lately, to say the least. He parties almost every night, sometimes calling Mark up in the middle of the night to hook up, and then leaves right after they finish, not even saying goodbye. He’s usually drunk off his ass, or high out of his mind. Mark is worried and he tries to talk to him, but he quickly gets shut off every time, and it always turns into a nasty fight where the only goal is to hurt each other.

“Yeah, so what?” Hyuck starts looking for his clothes, thrown all over Mark’s bedroom floor.

Mark laughs cruelly and falls back on the bed. “Doing things you don’t actually enjoy, and feeling worse afterwards. Can’t imagine how that might feel like.” It’s mean, because he’s the only one Hyuck told this, told how it’s so tiring and draining to be what everyone wants you to, but he’s so done with his shit. He doesn’t know why but he’s angry at Hyuck and wants to hurt him, wants to make him feel bad, “You should really get your shit together.”

Donghyuck huffs out an annoyed laugh under his breath and starts to pull on his underwear. “Fuck you, Mark. At least I get out of my fucking bed.” He finishes dressing up and slams the door shut behind himself. In the sudden silence, Mark thinks, he’s never been lonelier than right here at this moment.

**

Because Mark is a fucking idiot, Friday night he finds himself at Jaehyun’s looking for Donghyuck.

After they met up Wednesday evening, the week went by in a blur, Mark lying in bed and wallowing in self-pity. He started smoking again, feeling more jittery and nervous than usual.

He didn’t speak to Donghyuck since their fight, or whatever you want to call it. It wasn’t even a fight it was rather just Mark hurting Hyuck, honestly.

In general, he’s not feeling well these days, and now that the guilt’s been eating at him the whole week, he reached a new definition of low with his mental health.

He can’t sleep, barely eats, and smokes like a chimney. At his rate he’s really going to kill himself. And Mark knows it’s bad, knows he needs to snap out of it, but he can’t.

It’s easy to tell Donghyuck to get his shit together, but when it comes to him, doing it seems like an impossible mission.

And on top of everything, yesterday when he was lying in bed at 4 am, unable to sleep, to his mortification he realized that he misses Hyuck. After a quick existential crisis, he decided to apologize to him at Jaehyun’s party and try to talk some sense into him.

So now he’s here trying to find him, but he doesn’t really know what to say when that happens.

He goes into the living room, and spots Jaehyun so he gives him a hug, saying hi. He never understood how so many people can fit into this apartment and why would anyone want to invite so many people to their apartment. It’s Johnny and Jaehyun. Another point why they fit together. They both like to clean other’s vomit the morning after.

“Mark,” Jaehyun says with a big smile on his face, “It’s good to see you, but didn’t you say you can’t come?” he asks, raising his eyebrows like he knows something. He probably does.

“Turns out I’m free tonight,” he says, looking around the room, trying to spot who he came here for, “Have you seen Hyuck?”

“Ah,” Jaehyun says, realization taking over his features, “So that’s why. I saw him in the kitchen like, ten minutes ago.”

“Thanks, dude,” Marks says, already on his way, trying to get through the people dancing in the middle of the room, grinding on each other to some shitty electrical music.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t be a stranger Markie! And good luck!” Jaehyun shouts behind him.

He’s almost at the kitchen when he looks through the glass door that leads to the tiny balcony that’s attached to the flat and spots a familiar figure smoking alone. He stops, a grin taking over his face as he opens the door and steps out into the night.

“Oppa,” Marks says jokingly to his favorite Japanese boy, “Long time no see.”

Yuta quickly turns around to look at Mark, bumping into him because of the lack of space, laughing.

“Hello,” he says with a kind smile on his face, “Fancy seeing you here,” he puts an arm around Mark’s shoulders and pulls him close, so they are side to side.

“Thought I needed a change of scenery,” he says, and they both laugh, knowing it’s not true.

Mark puts both his arms around Yuta and cuddles into him, “I missed you, you never have time for me anymore!” he says, pouting, “You spend all of it chasing after Doyoung,” he says crackling and Yuta just rolls his eyes at him, “How’s that going by the way?

“Dude,” Yuta says, sliding his palm down his face, groaning, “Don’t even get me started. I’ve been trying to get into his pants for more than a month, and all I have until now is two slaps to the face and a kiss to my cheeks. I should be having crazy sex with him at this point,” he exclaims, “I don’t even know why I’m still trying. I’m literally the biggest quitter, and still.”

Okay, so Yuta probably has a crush, Mark thinks to himself, surprised. He never ever has crushes, only fucks around. He doesn’t even do friends with benefits, only one-night stands. He says that commitment suffocates him. Well, the only thing Yuta committed to is smoking and that kind of suffocates you so…

“Dude,” Mark says, a big smile on his face, “I won’t say anything because you’re going to throw me over the rail, but I’m sure that sooner or later you’ll figure it out,” he laughs squeezing Yuta, “I’m so excited!”

Yuta groans and tries to get away from him but Mark holds on tighter.

“I hate you.”

“No, you love.”

“Okay, yeah,” Yuta says, putting his arm back around Mark, taking a drag from his cigarette, “So where is your lover boy?”

“Maybe in the kitchen,” Mark says remembering why he’s here in the first place, not even trying to deny he has one, “He probably hates me at the moment,” he puts his head on Yuta’s shoulder, not being able to look at his face because he’s only also just acknowledged what he’s about to say, “I think it’s going somewhere.”

Yuta hugs him tighter and kisses his temple, “I just want you to be happy, Mark. I’m sure it’s going to work out.”

Mark is about to answer when the door to the balcony is thrown open with a loud bang, an angry looking Donghyuck standing in front of it. Despite the tiny space he somehow manages to step out, so now it’s the three of them in the small space. Hyuck grabs Mark’s forearm, yanking him out of Yuta’s embrace.

“What the hell Donghyuck!?” Mark exclaims loudly trying to get away from him, but the other holds onto him tighter, probably bruising the skin.

Just then Hyuck gets shoved in the shoulders by Yuta, who has a deadly glint in his eyes.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” he asks snarling, shoving Hyuck back into the flat.

Hyuck stumbles into someone, but quickly rights himself. The music is still going, but there are a few people whose attention is on them, hungry for some drama to keep their boring lives a little more interesting.

He shoves back at Yuta, following him and getting into his face. Mark can only look with big, surprised eyes, stuck in place. It doesn’t seem like Hyuck is drunk, but he sure acts like he is.

“Leave Mark the fuck alone,” he stabs his index finger into Yuta’s chest repeatedly, “He’s mine.”

Mark’s mouth opens on its own accord but all he can do is gape at the scene in front of him. He should probably stand between them and try to stop this before it escalates into a fight with fists, but he can’t make his limbs to move.

There’s a moment of silence, only the music that’s still blaring annoyingly from the speakers can be heard. Suddenly Yuta laughs loudly but very unamused and turns around to look at Mark.

“Mark, get him away from me right now or I swear to God I will _kill_ him,” he says, looking at Mark with a terrifyingly calm expression.

That makes him spring into action immediately and he steps into the flat, quickly going for Hyuck. Yuta is funny and nice but he’s downright nasty when it comes to fights. He never stays down, and no matter what, he always comes out on top with the other person lying on the ground, bloody.

Donghyuck looks stunned for a moment, but recovers quickly and before Mark can reach him, he raises his fisted hand to swing at Yuta. At that moment like a savior from _heaven_ Johnny appears, grabs the boy’s arm, and starts yanking him away from the scene they made in the span of five minutes. Hyuck tries to protest and get away from him, but Johnny is bigger and stronger, and they disappear into Jaehyun’s room that opens from the living room, Jaehyun following and closing the door behind them.

Yuta’s expression is morphed into boredom, but when he looks at the crowd that gathered around and sees that a certain boy is also a part of that, and probably saw the whole scenario, he groans loudly, storming away, an angry looking Doyoung running after him, calling his name to get his attention.

Mark just stands in one place, lost. He steps outside, closes the door behind himself and with shaky hands he gets his cigarette and lighter out of his pocket, lighting one and quickly sucking the smoke into his lungs.

He’s shaking all over, sometimes missing his mouth when he tries to take another drag. _He’s mine._ The words that Hyuck said ring in his mind making him feel dizzy. Mark never wanted to be anyone’s, and he still doesn’t want to, but hearing the other boy say it makes him feel some type of way. Mark thought that his relationship with Donghyuck is going somewhere, but he realizes that all this time they’ve been running in circles, and never forward.

Disappointed but not surprised to be honest. He should have known this whole thing was cursed from the start. They both have different things they need to deal with and letting out the tension on each other is outright toxic.

Too lost in thought he doesn’t hear the sound of the door opening behind him. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he jumps in surprise, the cigarette almost falling out of his mouth.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you,” Johnny says, a soft smile on his face. He wraps Mark’s smaller frame in an embrace and pats his back, saying “Hyuck is in Jaehyun’s room. I don’t know what’s up with you two, but maybe you should go and talk to him.”

Mark nods and let’s go of Johnny. He takes a last drag of his cigarette, puts it out, then goes inside to have the most painful conversation in his life.

**

He steps into the room and closes the door behind himself with a soft click. Donghyuck is sitting on the middle of the bed, head in his hands, but he looks up at Mark when he sits down next to him, legs hanging off the edge.

His cheeks are tear stained, and he has very visible blueish and purplish bags under his eyes, probably from lack of sleep. He looks… not okay. Something in Mark breaks and he looks away from Hyuck so the other doesn’t see his own tears sliding down his face.

“Mark,” Hyuck says, voice hoarse from crying, but he doesn’t continue.

They sit there in silence, Mark crying quietly, trying to hold back his sobs. Maybe it’s because of all the emotions he’s been holding back for the past week, but he feels so overwhelmed and so, _so_ tired.

Hyuck reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. Mark lets him.

“I came today to apologize,” Mark mutters observing their joined hands, “because of what I said to you on Wednesday.”

Hyuck hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything.

Their hands fit together perfectly, Mark thinks.

Raising his hand to scratch the back of his head Donghyuck looks at Mark, his eyes bloodshot, “I’m also sorry for… the incident before. I just saw him kissing your head and, fuck Mark, I got so jealous.”

Mark is still looking down and hearing Hyuck words makes one of his eyebrows raise on it’s own accord.

“Yuta and I grew up together, he’s like an older brother. We’ve always been affectionate with each other.”

When he looks up, Hyuck looks surprised and his mouth opens in shock.

“I… I mean… what,” he says dumbly, “I didn’t even know you guys know each other.”

“Well, we do,” Mark says bitterly, looking away.

“Fuck, I almost got beaten to a plump for nothing,” Hyuck says, anger back in his voice.

“Maybe cause’ you’re fucking stupid,” he says, getting worked up again now that the shock from the almost fist fight started wearing off.

He yanks his hand out of Hyuck’s and crosses his arms in front of his chest. The other looks surprised for a moment, but then he scowls and mimics Mark’s position. They have an intense stare down before Hyuck outright growls at him.

“Stop acting all high and mighty, you should appreciate that I would even get into a fight for your stupid ass,” he hisses, pointing an accusing finger at Mark.

“Oh, so now I should thank you that you almost got beaten because what? You’re jealous? Give me a rest and go fuck yourself,” Mark says loudly getting more and more angry by the minute.

Hyuck gets up from the bed, and Mark thinks he’s leaving so he can finally have some fucking peace, but the other boy starts spacing back and forth in front of him, looking moments away from killing someone, and that someone is probably Mark himself.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Donghyuck says, continuing his annoying pacing in front of him.

“You can’t do this?” Mark asks angrily, jumping up from the bed to stand in front of the other, “You’re the one who has been ignoring me! Asshole!”

“Stop calling me names!” Hyuck exclaims, stomping his leg like a two-year-old, “Bitch!”

And Mark is probably going insane, but suddenly he finds this whole situation very funny, and starts laughing loudly, and that makes Donghyuck even madder, so he starts shouting at Mark to stop laughing, but he just laughs harder at that.

After some time when Hyuck finally had enough he grabs Mark by the waist and throws him on the bed like he weights nothing. Mark meets the sheets and all the air rushes out of his lungs, cutting of his laughing. Then Hyuck lies down on him and he groans loudly. He raises his head a little to look at Mark.

“Can we talk now? Seriously.”

Mark huffs, “We can start with why you were ignoring me.”

Hyuck’s pained expression makes him feel _so_ much better.

“I guess,” he says letting out a long breath after. He gets off Mark and lays down next to him on the bed, “I freaked out because…,” the pained expression makes a comeback on his face, “I kind of, maybe, like you more than… friends?” he asks confused, “Wait we were never friends. I like you more than I dislike you. I thought if I ignore you it will go away, but it obviously didn’t,” he mutters, looking at Mark, “So, yeah. I like you, I guess.”

Mark feels giddy inside. Because he likes Hyuck too. It would be irresponsible of them to just jump into a relationship when they need to work out a lot of things on their own, but all Mark wants at this point is Hyuck.

He raises an amused eyebrow, “You guess?” Mark really does love teasing him.

“Fuck you,” Donghyuck hisses, turning away from him angrily.

Mark laughs and hugs him from behind, kissing his neck softly.

“I like you too,” he says, smiling, and he feels Hyuck snuggle back into him more, “You’re very cute but can you turn around so we can kiss properly? I waited too fucking long for this to happen dude.”

Hyuck turns around looking at him with a pout, “Firstly, I’m not cute, secondly, please don’t ever call me dude again, thank you, and thirdly, let’s make that kiss happen.”

He sits up little and leans over Mark. He looks down at him, his eyes crinkling because of how hard he’s smiling. One of his hands is next to Mark’s head supporting his weight, the other is on Mark’s face, caressing his cheek. Mark snuggles into the touch, feeling soft and pliant because of someone else for very the first time in his life. Donghyuck leans in and pecks Mark’s lips softly once, twice, then he stays put, moving his lips against Mark’s with ease. While it’s not his _first_ kiss, it feels like it’s the first that really _matters_.

Things quickly get heated and the kiss turns frantic and deep, Hyuck kissing the living daylights out of Mark. He fits himself between Mark’s legs, while the other wraps his legs around his waist, pulling him closer to himself.

Mark doesn’t really know how much time has passed by when Hyuck pecks his lips for the last time, and gets up from between his spread legs, looking very disheveled, his hair familiar to a bird’s nest. He looks kind of cute, Mark thinks.

He pouts and looks up at Donghyuck, “Come back.”

“We should really talk now, Markie. All you do is think about sex. There are more important things than that, or so I heard,” he says with a grin on his face.

“Oh, shut up,” Mark says, sitting up next to the other.

He grabs Hyuck’s hand to put it in his lap and plays with his fingers.

“I’m a little worried about us,” he mutters, looking Hyuck straight in the eyes, “We both have so many things we need to work out. I want to be with you, I want to be your boyfriend and do coupley things with you or whatever. But I’m afraid that our own problems are just going to drive us away from each other, and both of us will be very hurt at the end.”

Hyuck smiles at him, “Stupid Markie.”

Mark scowls and is about to say something, but Hyuck beats him to it.

“Except my little fuck up the past week, we have been doing better together, then alone. Not because we need, or depend on each other, but because it’s easier when you have someone you can talk to. I noticed that… you have some problems, but I’m sure you also noticed I have them too. It’s okay though. We don’t have to figure everything out all at once. You know, I feel like along the way slowly everything will fall into place.”

Mark can only look at him, speechless, “I… when did you became so mature?”

“It was probably last week when I way high as a kite at Doyoung’s.”

Mark slaps his arm at that but the other just laughs and pulls him into a hug.

He puts his chin on top of Mark's head, “It’s going to be okay. Take this risk. You are not alone anymore, now I’m here too.”

Mark just hugs him tighter. Of course he’s taking the risk. It is about Donghyuck after all. The only person that can make him feel alive.

“And anyway, I’m such a good influence, baby. I literally won’t let you in my bed again if you don’t stop smoking sooner or later. My nice lavender sheets smell like ashes after every fucking time you’re rolling in it, and that’s a lot.”

Mark pulls away from him, “Then the first thing you do is cut off your crazy partying because you’ve been smelling like booze every time you came over to my dorm room for the past weeks. You also come so quickly when you’re smashed, like, how can you be so selfish? You know I hate jerking off during sex,” he exclaims, probably sounding like a brat.

Hyuck just raises his eyebrows at him, amused, and pulls his lips into a half smirk, “Very off topic, but okay, it’s a deal, baby.”

He holds his hand out for a handshake and Mark takes it.

“Deal.”

Hyuck laughs, stands up and holds out his hand so he can pull Mark up, “Jaehyun’s going to kill us if we stay here longer. I think we already outstayed our welcome.”

It might be that Mark forgot that they are at a party. And in Jaehyun’s room. Thank God things didn’t get further than making out earlier, because Jaehyun sure would kill them. He can be very scary if he wants.

When he’s on his feet he reaches for Hyuck’s hand, intertwining their fingers, and starts leading them out of the room.

“Come on boyfriend, let’s go.”

Hyuck raises his eyebrows, an amused smile on his face, “Boyfriend?”

“Why, do you want me to call you dude?” he asks feigning confusion.

“Mark Lee, you are really something!”

Mark thinks, maybe Hyuck is right. It might take some time, but things will eventually fall into place. Even if it’s hard, the truth is, you can’t keep running away forever. One day you have to face all your demons and put them on a leash.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3  
> If you leave a little review in the comments, that’s well appreciated! <3
> 
> Also I’ve been thinking about writing Doyoung and Yuta’s story but idk...


End file.
